I'm a comedian. I also read comics. Sometimes, things in comics whether it be particular issues, storylines, mythology, related media from movies to TV shows etc. make me laugh. And I rant about it to my friends. Well, now I'm putting those riffs here. To share with the interwebs. Aren't you lucky, interwebs?

Friday, July 8, 2011

Screw context!

I have no idea what's happening in this screencap found over on Comics Alliance, but all I can think is:

Howard Stark: Masturbating Robots, for America.

No wonder he's so angry in Tony's flashbacks...

PS: I am so fucking excited for this movie, I almost peed myself when I bought my midnight show tickets.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

America Runs on Dunkin'

Today I learned a fun fact:

The Captain America movie is using Dunkin Donuts as a movie tie in promo. Excuse me? You're telling me that you're using fried dough with frosting and sugars that have more calories in one than a person should consume in a day, to promote a movie about a guy who is the example of human perfection?

So you're telling me that Captain America eats donuts that are shaped like stars with white vanilla frosting, red, white and blue sprinkles filled with artificial fruit flavored goo?

Who's plan was this? Don't believe me? I have photographic evidence.

Also being sold is a limited time only collectors cup. It has three different parts for drinking from, as they fill it with Red, White and Blue Coolatta drinks. Red is Cherry, Blue is Blue Raspberry and White is Vanilla bean. The drink doesn't work well, and tastes awful. The vanilla is way too artificial like I'm drinking bath and body works soap. The cup is pretty much useless in the future, unlike the 7/11 slurpee cups from Iron Man and Thor promotion.

But it looks real cool. I'll use it as a pencil/pen holder.

Well, think about it. But not too much.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

All in the X-Family

I heard recently (having dropped X-Men a few years ago for lack of ability to financially keep up with their books) that Rogue and Magneto are a couple. This makes sense, because she's always kind of hero worshipped him... as brought to my attention by a friend. I get it, and I'm not particularly bothered by it.

I'm more amused with how that family dinner would go. Introducing the new girlfriend to your adult kids with problems of their own.

"Wanda, Pietro, you remember Rogue. She's going to be your new step-mom."

Magneto-cent. The words "no more mutants" comes to mind...

Think about it, but not too much.

Friday, June 17, 2011

So You've Become a Green Lantern

In honor of the Green Lantern movie, the first post of this blog will center around the mythology of that character. I will disclaimer by saying, I don't read the Green Lantern. I have vague familiarity. I will see the movie only because Ryan Reynolds will be shirtless and that costume leaves nothing to the imagination.

This is just something I've found humorous.

Once upon a time The Green Lantern was allergic to yellow, or something. I understand this is no longer the case. That's been retconned. But imagine for a moment if it was still true? And ignore that you need yellow to make green. Do you think they get a brochure on your new powers once you receive your ring?

So You've Decided to Become a Green Lantern

With this ring, you get really cool powers. You can fly, and make cool stuff out of green light just by thinking about it. You can do some other cool stuff, like diagnose illness, identify material, travel time, translate languages, communicate with other people who are like you, make wormholes without an Apature Science portal guns and many other exciting powers you'll learn all about in training.

One thing though: You sort of need to steer clear of the color yellow. It's like, an allergy or something. No more twinkies, no taking the school bus, you might want to avoid driving because of signs and yellow lights. No McDonalds. Bananas are out right. I think you'll find this inconvenient but, hey.. you can make stuff out of green light! And portals! Who doesn't love that?

It's not true anymore, because wouldn't that make it real hard to fight the Sinestro Corps?

Think about it, but not too much.